Several years ago, about this time of year, my son laid in bed and told me that he just did not feel well enough to go to school that day. I eyed him suspiciously and asked him what was wrong. He had no fever; he was not flushed or particularly congested. This was my child who could find a million and one things he would rather do than go to school.
His brother chimed in as we now both knowingly examined him and reflected on his grade school days when he would somehow outsmart me and stay home from school, ultimately only to catch up on his preferred projects. We warned him of the test he would miss that day, of the workload that would pile up, and of the sports practice he would forfeit, but my son was not to be swayed. He simply complained that he did not have the energy to get out of bed and announced that he was not going to school.
The next day he was diagnosed with mono. It was not my finest parenting moment. He spent the next six weeks trying to regain his strength and his footing in school.
Early 2017 seems fraught with illness. Classes have been emptied and even cancelled due to widespread viruses. Accordingly, I have been reminded of how difficult it is as a parent and as a student to navigate school absences, whether planned or unexpected. Here are a few pointers.
1. Prioritize School
Send a message to your child daily that school is important. Schedule well visits before or after school or during school breaks. Try to avoid taking your child out of school for any reason but illness and certainly do not do so for an everyday outing, such as lunch or shopping.
Parent wisely. Do not be a pushover, especially if you know your child fears a test or is susceptible to malingering; however, you may want to keep my own misstep in the back of your mind, too!
2. Communicate
Whether a planned or unexpected absence, courtesy demands that a student communicate with his or her teachers. A quick email or visit to warn a teacher of an impending absence or to notify him or her of an illness demonstrates respect not only for the teacher but also for the classwork. It sends a message that the student values both. A teacher is much more apt to accommodate a student’s needs when the student readily shares when and why he or she is missing class and attempts to minimize absences.
3. Create a Schedule for Make-Up Work
Make-up schedules can and should be created jointly between the teacher and the student, especially when absences extend to multiple days. Some students tend to rush to make up missed assessments, so they can more quickly feel “caught-up” and resume their place among fellow students. Others dawdle and only make-up work when the teacher demands they do so. Instead, a student would be best served to negotiate a make-up schedule where he or she anticipates and completes work in advance, if possible, and where the student balances the make-up work across missed classes on a manageable schedule that both minimizes the time required to make up work and acknowledges the equities of all involved parties, including classmates, who may be awaiting test grades and the opportunity to review assessments.
Teachers who give a student the latitude simply to make up work by the end of the quarter are, in my opinion, doing the student and others a huge injustice. No one benefits by catering to limitless procrastination. On the other hand, promptly entering a zero in the student’s gradebook for every missed assignment can create unnecessary anxiety and resentment. Instead, seek a balance of expediency and fairness that meets the needs of the student, the class, and the teacher.
There is a correlation between chronic absenteeism and school success, so these can be dangerous parenting waters. Proceed with caution, and always beware the slippery slope that could follow when you indulge your child’s plea to miss class. Indeed, if I were to face that morning with my son again, even with the benefit of hindsight, I probably would respond in exactly same way.