One predictor of success in the classroom is confidence. Instilling confidence in children is tricky for parents because often a student’s confidence is an extension of his or her personality. While environmental factors impact confidence, sparking a dramatic improvement in a high school student’s comfort level with approaching a teacher, participating in class, or engaging in new social situations is virtually impossible in the short-term.
Some of us, including our children, question our own worth. We often deem ourselves not smart enough, not popular enough, and not pretty enough. Magazines and social media heighten our insecurities, as we find ourselves drawing comparisons between our own abilities and looks and those we observe in idols, models, or peers.
This past week, I listened to a podcast, Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations, about the power of “I Am:” https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/oprahs-supersoul-conversations/id1264843400?mt=2 The message resonated: We should each individually look in the mirror and assert, “I am beautiful” or “I am smart” or “I am [whatever I dream to be].” Simply by putting our hopes and dreams out in the universe, the powers that be, perhaps God, will respond in turn and fulfill our affirmative statements. For example, we will be beautiful, as our spirit shines through. If, instead, we constantly say negative things about ourselves – I am going to fail this test; I am bad at math; I can’t write; or I stink at standardized tests – we could be self-prophesizing exactly what we hope to avoid. At the very least, we are allowing our insecurities to take hold.
I believe that there is power in the words “I Am.” I often find myself chastising students for hyper-focusing on their weaknesses, for exaggerating their shortcomings, and for failing to embrace their many strengths. I believe that this is where we, as parents, can best impact our children’s confidence. Do not tolerate self-deprecating statements, smother your children with compliments, and require your children to acknowledge their gifts out loud and often.
I know that this is easier said than done, particularly for an introvert. This summer, I traveled to New York City with my family and had the opportunity to see an off-Broadway magic experience called In and Of Itself. The show featuring Derek Delgaudio was directed by Frank Oz and produced by Neil Patrick Harris. Because I am married to a magician, I have seen a lot of magic shows, but I am sure I will never forget this one. Upon entry, we were faced with a wall and were each asked to pick one card, entitled “I Am.” I was confronted with thousands of cards, endless choices. Would I label myself literally, as a teacher, a mother, a lawyer, a wife? Would I choose to label myself figuratively, as a searcher, a problem solver, a pacifist? Or would I cower from the power of the moment, afraid to face my own identity, and choose something silly – a handful, a nightmare, or the last to know? I took a long time to decide and ultimately did not push myself to embrace the moment and to benefit from the power of “I Am” – I chose something silly.
I now realize that confidence is something that can be gained through practice. While it may take a while to grow, your child’s confidence is ultimately critical to his or her success in the classroom and beyond. I believe that confidence may begin with “I Am.”