This month I decided to take up the card game bridge. Truth be told, I have known the basics of bridge for quite some time. With a mom who made a regular social occasion of the game and a dad who was a Life Master, I frequently observed quietly from the sidelines the curious auctioning to secure a bridge contract, the exposure of the “dummy” hand, the unfolding tricks, and the tallying of the score.
In eighth grade, my math teacher taught me to count points and the fundamentals of bidding, but then my skills atrophied, as I found it difficult, not surprisingly, to find friends with whom to practice. My knowledgeable parents likely did not want to take on tutoring their own child. Perhaps they lacked the patience or the initiative, or maybe they thought my pubescent eye-rolling would annoy them to no end. Maybe I never even asked for their help.
Don’t parents secure a tutor or academic coach for the same reasons? While parents may excel in math, in organizational skills, in a sport, or even in bridge, they struggle to share these skills with their own children, at least in terms that are well-received. Our children often do not ask for help either. Sometimes, as parents, anxious to cultivate competency, we choose to forego unnecessary arguments in favor of a neutral third-party.
By definition, a bridge is a structure enabling passage over a chasm or other obstacle. The coincidence is not lost on me. While I resume my interest in the game of bridge, I realize that I have been serving as a bridge in my daily work, assisting students to overcome challenging pathways and maybe even preserving some parent-child relationships in the process. Not too long ago, a parent conveyed the essence of this message to me: “I think I can talk till I'm blue, and all my children hear is 'blah, blah, blah,' but they truly respect you, and both seem more focused on their work.”
Securing a tutor or coach is not an admission of weakness. Instead, it is a recognition that we need others to help us navigate the difficult road of parenting, of learning, and of life. Sometimes too much self-reliance can stifle growth and opportunities.
I feel grateful not only for a terrific bridge teacher, Nancy Fitzgerald, but also for the opportunity to admit that I need the structure, guidance, and knowledge a tutor or coach can provide. Bridge is complicated, and I certainly can use help. Maybe I should seek some tips and pointers from my mom while I still can, too!