This morning, I read a compelling fictional book on school-related anxieties (The Gifted School), a Wall Street Journal article on how teens should spend their summers, and a New York Times Magazine article about a competitive elite preschool. We cannot escape the abounding focus on student positioning, achievement, and résumé-building. Our constant focus on society’s presumed definition of success (e.g., straight A’s, college admission to that perfect university, a high-paying job) usually fails to embrace weightier developmental skills, skills central to our children’s well-being. Accordingly, as you and your child consider goals for the coming year, I encourage you to be intentional about your child’s general well-being.
Goal-setting is like studying. We assume students and their parents know how to do it without instruction. Accordingly, students typically churn out their goals very quickly and very predictably, for example,
· Earn straight A’s,
· Make the varsity basketball team, and
· Become president of the Key Club.
I am increasingly alarmed by the nature of students’ (and, likely, their parents’) goals because these lofty objectives only establish capstone ambitions and fail to address any integral parts of the process. Our children have limited control over the attainment of any of these achievements. Despite persistence and dedication, they may stumble in their pursuit of these goals because of an extremely demanding teacher, steep competition, a learning difference, or a host of other possible barriers. If processed appropriately, such failures can be wonderful learning moments, but if our children only see their initial goals, above, and then disappointing results, then they do not glean any benefits from goal-setting. Moreover, such goal-setting could escalate stress and anxiety and nurture feelings of worthlessness.
Goal-setting should not be a “one-and-done” activity. Instead, goals should be chunked into step-by-step processes that define how goals will be achieved and when progress toward goals will be measured. Then, even failure to attain ultimate goals may be deemed successful because of recorded mini-accomplishments.
Furthermore, because mental, physical, and emotional health are critical to attaining goals and optimal performance, consider setting goals to improve general well-being.
Set a goal for physical fitness. If your child is not participating in a seasonal sport, daily physical activity is a must to ensure consistent classroom performance and to relieve stress.
Set a nutritional goal. Too much sugar can compromise mood, memory, and attention. A healthy diet will elevate learning.
Set a goal for ensuring consistent sleep. A lack of sleep may diminish recall and certainly impairs focus.
Set a goal to develop an extracurricular activity that is not about résumé-building. If your child does not want to create his or her own herb garden, to learn to play a musical instrument, to trace your family’s ancestry, to train a service dog, to build LEGO masterpieces, or to pursue an activity for the pure joy of it, then give him or her an agreeable assignment or chore, such as planning and preparing a weekly family meal. The importance of this distraction is that it will give your child a sense of pride. A pastime builds work ethic and personal satisfaction, not for a grade, and may lower anxiety; it can also help build a positive self-image.
Set a family goal. Creating strong family relationships can strengthen a student’s support system and improve emotional health.
These goals should, of course, be tailored to the individual student, be defined as precisely as possible, and be measurable.
Goal-setting without attention to a student’s physical, mental, and emotional health may diminish the importance of health, in general. I encourage you and your family to focus not just on academic goals, but on personal well-being, a necessary foundation to ensure a student’s readiness to learn.