A lot has changed since my two sons were in high school. Girls have long outperformed boys in the classroom, but only recently did I become seriously concerned about today’s high school boys.
As an academic coach, I am witnessing boys’ lack of motivation. Their often short attention spans and inadequate discipline are causing them to falter. I fear that our boys are slipping away from us. They are falling down the class rank ladder, so much so that boys now make up only one-third of the top ten percent of high school classes and two-thirds of the bottom ten percent (Brooks, David. “Voters to Elites: Do You See Me Now?” New York Times, 11/6/24).
Parents contact me regularly to share that their boys are fully capable but fail to complete any schoolwork outside of the classroom or are completely incapable of effective studying. Moreover, they are uninspired and distracted in the classroom. The schoolwork has become tedious. They long to be somewhere else, doing something else, even if they are unsure what. They resent the long hours dedicated to school, a place that fails to deliver the excitement and reassurance that they seek. They have lost self-confidence. It is important that we, as parents, understand the contributing factors.
Many boys tend to struggle with executive functioning, which means initiating their work is a challenge, and they mature at a slower pace than girls. Our curriculum moves quickly for many children from foundational middle school work to an AP curriculum that requires independent learning. Suddenly in the tenth grade, our sons must attend to a lot of work independently, watching and synthesizing videos and applying the lessons provided there to online assignments. When motivation and self-confidence are lacking, a work-around by copying work from friends or otherwise cheating (looking up answers online) seems an easy resort.
Additional consistencies among these young men contribute to their lethargy. Boys seem more belligerent about the “busy work” assigned in school. Boys usually benefit from a tactile or project-based education and, therefore, may initially struggle to learn from textbooks, videos, or lectures. Meanwhile, gaming and cell phones have become addictive distractions, and a largely prescribed course schedule with minimal room for choices seems to affect boys more adversely than girls. In general, girls are more organized and willing to sit for longer periods of time studying. I realize that these observations are not true across the board, but they are true, in my experience, most of the time. Our post-pandemic shift to more computer work and less physical interaction, therefore, seems to be taking a toll on our boys. If this sounds familiar and if my comments seem directed to you, I suggest a few courses of action.
First, get involved. Boys may put out signals that they don’t want you involved in their lives, but they do. They just don’t want the wrong kind of attention. They don’t want to be pestered with your nagging questions about grades and missing work, but they do want to connect with you. Indeed, many are lonely. Show an interest in your children’s days, and model your own self-improvement and growth. Do not allow your children to isolate themselves in their rooms. Instead, show them how to cook, clean, wash the car, or do lawn work. They would also benefit from discussing news, politics, religion, and money with you, because these are pressing issues today. Many parents fail to include their children in these discussions or to seek their emerging points of view. Firming up the parent-child bond has never been more important, and just because they have schoolwork to complete does not mean that they do not have time for family chores and discussions.
Second, our sons need to gain some traction in school. Attaining some success in school will help breed greater confidence and motivation. Structure can help them do that, and a busy life ironically leads to a more organized life. Just as sleep begets sleep, productivity begets productivity. Accordingly, ensure that your children have ample healthy activities or interests to hold their attention outside of the classroom.
You should also expect your children to do some schoolwork at home every day, even every weekend, whether that is reading over class notes for improved retention, filing paper work, polishing off written assignments, actively preparing for upcoming assessments, or reading a book. (Note that reading over notes is not active studying.) Scheduling with your child a one-hour period at the same time every day for the completion of this work without access to a phone and preferably in a common area will help them gain that initial traction. Many of them might benefit from more time, but one hour is a reasonable start.
As we move closer to the second semester of our school year, let’s address the waning motivation of our high school boys. Let’s get them involved in family and in activities, and let’s get them reengaged in their own futures.