I continue to be concerned about our children’s overindulgence in technology, and now my concerns have taken new life as I read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, which has ridden the best seller list for over twenty weeks. Haidt’s overall message resonates with me: “We are overprotecting children in the real world and underprotecting them online.” For years, we have heard of the dangers of helicopter parenting, which has served to make our children dependent and fearful, but the combination of limiting their sphere of physical freedom and simultaneously allowing them full access to technology and online material has proven very dangerous. Despite efforts to limit phone access in schools, which is a positive step, I believe that we, as parents, must do more to restore what’s left of this generation’s childhood.
Today’s high school students, in addition to being anxious, are socially immature. Not only did the pandemic strip them of necessary social and play time to develop their emotional intelligence, but we have also compounded their deprivation by moving to a much greater reliance on technology than ever before.
While I applaud our public school system’s decision to largely ban the use of cellphones, teachers seem to be substituting one screen for another, as they rely increasingly on technology to educate our children. EdPuzzles, Delta Math, DuoLingo, AP Classroom, online class offerings, Flipped Classrooms, and IXL are among the digital platforms our local teachers are not just offering but requiring. These programs are effective learning tools, but they should never be replacements, in my opinion, for instruction. They are being overused, in part, because they make instruction so easy for our teachers. Students should have the opportunity not just to learn class lessons at school but also to gain interpersonal skills by engaging with other students and by learning directly from a mentor, their teacher, in the classroom. Our teachers must continue to serve as role models and mentors to help our children grow socially.
Moreover, because of the excessive screen time taking place within school walls, our children need screen time seriously curtailed at home. Setting aside phones at dinner and during conversations should be required, not just for the children but for us as parents. Detaching from our phones and screens must be prioritized.
I’m amazed at how screens are increasingly involved in daily life. Every appliance in my home seems to have an affiliated app. I go to a concert, and the crowd is watching the concert through their phones as they film. I go on a hike, and along the trail, everyone is using an app to track the path rather than absorbing the scenery. It’s no wonder that we are failing to connect and that our children are struggling to read our emotions and finding it difficult to write a meaningful thank you note or to engage in a pointed conversation.
This lack of real human connection only enhances our children’s vulnerability online. And this need for our phones to do everything, from turning up the air conditioning to discovering our homework, makes putting our phones down nearly impossible, but we must carve out times to do so.
Simultaneously, the guard rails on our children have grown increasingly higher in the physical world. When my youngest son was ten years old, he asked me if he could go for a run. After giving him instructions about my expectations for his journey and the intersections to avoid, he headed out on foot. Admittedly, he was relatively small at ten, but the next thing I knew, the police rang my doorbell, certain that my child was running away and in danger, alone in my neighborhood. We have become conditioned to being overprotective of our children in the physical world, yet our children scroll through the internet and TikTok for five-plus hours a day unrestrained, through information that they should not likely be sourcing and potentially in contact with real predators and certainly at risk for bullying.
Please have conversations with your children about limiting phone usage. Please track their online activity, which is what we should really be helicoptering. Please push your kids into sports and arts where they can leave their phones in a locker or at home. Let’s reclaim some of the adventures we had as kids for them. Let’s get lost in the woods; let’s be in the moment, whether going to a concert or attending a wedding; let’s be bored during car rides and, therefore, forced to engage in family conversations. It’s a choice only we as parents can make.