My thoughts this week are with my students, both past and present, as high school classes begin and as colleges struggle to deliver modified collegiate experiences safely. The ramifications of clusters of COVID-19 cases on college campuses, most notably our own University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, are chilling. They are raising concerns about the possibility of delivering in-person instruction and of trusting Gen Z to curb partying and to avoid public gatherings that are fueling the virus. The last-minute switches to online learning in both college and high school classrooms, while well-reasoned, have dampened our children’s spirits (and our own). Moreover, our high schoolers are facing a very different college application landscape than they ever expected. The result chills their motivation to study and to seek mastery in their coursework because the prize dangling at the end of their high school career, often college, seems more like a mirage than reality. Our high school children, therefore, may be succumbing to the adage of “good enough,” rather than striving for excellence.
The best tack to take is to anticipate a lower motivational level and to guard against it.
Speak openly with your child and address any motivational issues you observed in the spring. Express empathy for the difficulties of online learning, but reinforce personal accountability.
Your child needs to take pride in the young adult she is becoming. She needs to aim high because of what she wants to achieve and accomplish, not merely to satisfy you or anyone else; however, she needs your support. Stand ready to cheer her on and to offer encouragement. When she falters, do not criticize. Rather, help her understand why.
Help your child chunk huge tasks into daily goals.
Discuss coursework with your child, not to make sure he knows his assignment and earns an A, but because you are genuinely interested (or bored) by the topic. Be open with your child when you find a topic boring, but then help him find a way to make it more interesting.
College cannot be your child’s sole motivator. Without a strong work ethic and solid recommendations from teachers, though, your child will struggle to compete for available opportunities, whether they are internships, jobs, gap year experiences, or college admissions. A strong personal recommendation will much more likely originate from a noticeable work ethic and curiosity than from a high grade.
Your child’s primary goal needs to be independence, now more so than ever before. Try not to be a taskmaster. I promise that it will not serve your mental health or the mental health of your child. Your child’s pride will be tenfold when she accomplishes any goal largely on her own accord.
Although college cannot be our high schoolers’ primary motivation, my past students’ college admissions speak volumes about my their accomplishments inside and outside of the classroom. I recognize them because, for many of these students, their reality is now vastly different from their expectations.
Arbor Road Academy has been open for five years! My former students have matriculated to the following colleges. I celebrate them and offer them and you encouragement, particularly during these uncertain times. Stay the course!
Appalachian State University (4)
Bowdoin College
The Citadel
Clark University
Clemson University
College of Charleston
Davidson College (2)
Dennison University
Duke University
East Carolina University (3)
Elon University (3)
Emerson College
Emory University
Furman University (5)
Georgetown University
Georgia State University
Hampden-Sydney College
High Point University (2)
Miami University of Ohio
North Carolina State University (6)
Olin College of Engineering
Pratt Institute
Rhodes College
Roanoke College (2)
Rochester Institute of Technology
Sewanee: The University of the South
Savannah College of Art and Design
Tufts University (2)
University of Georgia (4)
University of Kentucky
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (15)
University of North Carolina at Charlotte
University of North Carolina at Greensboro (2)
University of North Carolina at Wilmington (4)
University of South Carolina (4)
University of Tennessee
University of Virginia (7)
Virginia Polytechnic Inst. and State University (6)
Wake Forest University (8)
Washington & Lee University (2)
Wesleyan University
William Peace University
Winthrop University
Wofford College