Two weeks ago today, my husband and I brought home a new puppy. You likely have a pandemic puppy nearby, too. Vets are overrun with new business, and as I sit on my front porch, I see oodles of pint-sized Labradoodles patter past.
While I endure some sleepless nights and curtail a few personal pursuits to bond with my new furry friend, I have chatted with many of you who also are suffering sleepless nights, but for ostensibly different reasons: You are worried about your child’s motivation, engagement, educational development, and future. At their roots, our problems are similar. Both your children and my puppy are suffering from separation anxiety. All of our lives have been upended, and we are trying to adapt.
I surely am not an expert in dog care, but, ironically, the guidelines I am trying to follow to develop an obedient, well-socialized, well-behaved, smart dog are excellent reminders for parents of teenagers today:
· Shower your children with positive affirmation. We readily see our children’s bad behavior: the missing homework assignments, distractibility, isolation, low grades, and poor work ethic. We need, though, to be very in tune with our children’s good behavior and reward them heavily to reinforce that good behavior. Ooze genuine positivity and pride.
· Lavish attention on your children. Our children really do not want to brave this pandemic alone. Play with them, ask them questions, hug them, and try to understand their perspectives.
· Help your children maintain a schedule. A schedule should not be all business. Find time for serious work and for fun; we function better when we have consistent patterns. Help your children recapture that asynchronous time which so many children are wasting.
· Curb excessive and unwelcome behavior by noting, addressing, and removing triggers (e.g., game systems, bad influences, anxieties); ensuring adequate exercise and appropriate social interaction; and redirecting that misbehavior. To find success, we must remain calm, observant, and firm.
· Finally, model what you want your children to replicate. If you are overly aggressive or antagonistic with your children, they just might lash back at you. If you ignore your children, they might metaphorically poop in the wrong place.
Like my puppy, we are ready to break out of this cage, but let’s ensure we do so safely. While crated, let’s make the most of it!